Reflections on 6-Months of Fatherhood
A Half-Year of Chaos, Coffee, and Learning on the Fly
The hospital nurse quietly watched. Then she smirked and told me I had just put my first diaper on backwards.
6-months later, I could set the world record for fastest diaper change. The first six months of fatherhood has been an amazing journey so far filled with challenges, exhaustion, wonder and joy.
Nearly all our friends have asked some variation of “what’s it been like?”. These are a few reflections from early months of fatherhood.
You Adapt Quickly
My dad always told me “Kids don’t come with an instruction manual.” Like any new parents, we’re learning on the fly. Our learning curve has been a vertical line.
Learning on the Fly
We each read several books about pregnancy, birth, and the first days of having a baby at home. We felt good!
But “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.1”
Reality is frantically searching Google/ChatGPT for what to do when the baby screamed until 3am on the 1st night home.
Nobody’s every fully “ready” to become a parent. It was great to learn ahead of time, but parenthood is all “just-in-time” learning. We’ve gone through waves of learning about safe sleep, solid foods, car seats, and sleep schedules. Babies change so damn fast it’s constantly time to learn about the next stage of their development.
I’m slowly coming to the realization that it’ll be like this for the next 17 1/2 years. Constantly adjusting to a growing child and learning whatever is most important for that stage.
Just survive and advance.
Who Even Needs Sleep Anyway?
Speaking of adapting, the way the human body can adjust is incredible. I expected to be a walking zombie for the first year?? I figured we’d feel braindead for the first few months because everyone quips about exhausted new parents are.
Yes, we’re definitely sleep deprived. The first 10 nights were pretty rough. And my wife is amazing and handles every night feed.
Still, 6-months in, our bodies have magically adjusted. A cup of coffee in the morning and I’m good to go (as long as I have a mid-morning cup and another in the afternoon…).
Still, the point is that I’ve felt like I have my normal amount of energy throughout the day despite fewer total hours of sleep and a few interruptions per night.
Parenting is a Team Sport
Sydney and I have strengthened our bond as partners while navigating such a transformative time in our lives.
We’ve built great routines and really found our rhythm as teammates. She feeds the baby while I handle the laundry and the dishes. We take turns watching the baby so the other can go to the gym. We’re constantly communicating about the schedule for the day and working together to make decisions in Bennett’s best interests.
Unfortunately, Every Parenting Cliché is True
For better or worse, every day I feel myself relating to the Progressive commercials about turning into your parents. I’m already parroting old clichés as if I’ve been doing this for years.
They’re so memorable because they’re so true.
The Days Are Long, And The Years Are Short
(Or in our case, the days are long and the 1/2 of a year is short).
The first 10-14 days at home were tough. We slept in 2.5 hour spurts every night. I’d watch the June sunsets at 9pm and feel like I was Will Smith in I Am Legend…just trying to survive the night and make it to dawn.
Time flies by. Looking back, I realize how quick that phase was.
The growth and development of a newborn is so fast. He’s already more than doubled his birth weight. Nearly every day we notice him doing something new as he interacts with the world.
Sydney and I have had several moments where we look at each other and smile. We know these precious moments are fleeting and that we’ll look back and reminisce on these sweet baby memories.
We’ve been reminding ourselves that despite the challenges, we’re living through the “good ‘ol days” right now. We need to live in the moment. He’ll be a teenager before we know it, probably trying to sneak out of the house. Gotta soak it all up before it’s gone forever.
It Takes a Village To Raise a Child
It’s difficult to overstate how much easier the transition to parenthood has been with the community around us. We’re blessed to be living within 20 minutes of both sets of grandparents and have aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends from all stages of our lives nearby.
We didn’t cook a meal for 3 weeks after birth. I had expected to ask folks kind enough to bring us food to leave it at the front door, thinking that we wouldn’t be ready to receive visitors. Instead, the opposite was true. The social interaction brought joy to our day and helped us get through the tougher early days at home.
We’ve had plenty of babysitters ready to watch the baby so Sydney and I can go for a date night, or even just have a few minutes to work out.
The most surprising community aspect has been the relationships that Sydney has formed with the other moms in the area. There’s a group chat of a dozen-plus women, who all gave birth within a few months, constantly lighting up through all hours of the day.
They’ll ask each other for advice, support, and had other moms to hang out with during the day when they were on maternity leave. Having a community of women going through the same first stages of motherhood and figuring things out at the same time has been the number one2 most helpful thing for Sydney.
We know we’re very fortunate to have such great people around to support us. We know we’ll rely on our village over the coming years as we go through different stages of life.
Gratitude
Particularly since Thanksgiving is next week, I’ve been feeling a lot of gratitude. There’s been ups and downs in the first few months, but we’ve successfully navigated each challenge.
Paternity Leave
I’m very thankful to Arrived for making it possible to take 3 months off to bond with Bennett and help care for Sydney. The earliest days were filled with a lot of newness while we tried to find our sea legs.
I was able to use the time off to make things easier while Sydney recovered from birth and established breastfeeding. Laundry, dishes, pet care, and more. It was a point of pride that Sydney only changed ~5% of the diapers over the first 2 weeks.
We were able to take time to bond together as a family. Walks around the neighborhood. Meeting friends for coffee or lunch. We were even able to take Bennett on his first road trips, out to Ellensburg, Bainbridge Island, Victoria, and over to Whidbey Island for a wedding. Along the way we figured out how to install the car seats and found some semblance of a routine at home.
It Could Be A Lot Harder
Particularly during the difficult parts, we keep reminding ourselves that it could all be a lot harder. It helps put things into perspective when we list the added difficulties that would make parenthood more challenging:
Being a single parent
Living paycheck to paycheck
Unable to take any time off work
Not having medical insurance
Living in an area without access to health care
Lack of family and friends to help
It all leads to feeling very grateful and grounds us in perspective when we’re having a tough day.
Women are Amazing
Observing (and participating) in the pregnancy, birth, and post-partum journey has been awe inspiring. It’s amazing what the female body is capable of and how nature works to create new life and bring it into the world. The whole process is a roller coaster of physical, mental, and hormonal changes.
The months of pregnancy, intensity of labor, and the recovery afterward all gave me a new level of respect and admiration for women. I’m forever grateful to Sydney for the hard work she’s done that went into creating our son.
Our Family is Changed Forever
Life has shifted so quickly that our childless days already feel like a lifetime ago. We’re beyond happy and could never imagine going back.
Paternal Love
We love the little guy so much already! Sydney keeps repeating what her parents told her: you think you know how much your parents love you, and then you have a baby of your own and realize how they love you than you could have possibly imagined.
New Family Relationships
We’ve been awed by our new love for him, but it’s been equally rewarding to see how special it is for our friends and family to hold Bennett and get to know him. It’s brought us incredible warmth and joy into our lives to see grandparents, cousins and friends hold and dote on the baby.
This includes seeing our pets (aka trial-babies3) interact with their new family member. Our dog, Salsa, was curious and cautious about the baby in the early days and has shifted into pure love. She licks his face and sniffs him. Now that he’s starting solid foods she sits right next to his high chair to snag any scraps that hit the floor. I keep telling her just wait until he can throw a tennis ball for her.
There are Tradeoffs
And I’m happy to make them. I played less golf this summer. My gym schedule wasn’t consistent for a while. But all the positives of fatherhood have completely outweighed anything else. There’s a lot of things that used to feel important that simply don’t feel that relevant anymore.
On a lighter note, I’m now officially licensed to tell eye-roll-inducing dad jokes. And I swear my grill skills have jumped to the next level now that I have the title of “Dad”.
The Journey is Only Beginning
It feels weird to be writing parenting reflections with such little experience under my belt.
After all, we’re at the very beginning of a lifelong journey as parents. I’m sure my thoughts on parenthood will continue to evolve as Bennett goes through different phases of development and growth.
The best advice we’ve received was to live in the moment and enjoy the now. Don’t get caught looking too far ahead to teaching him to ride a bike, throw a ball, or cheer on the Huskies and Seahawks together.
Those things will come in time. Right now, just enjoy the ride.
Mike Tyson
Not counting me 😉
Jokes aside, raising pets together was awesome practice for how to co-parent
Oh how I miss those early parenting days. But you’re right every age and phase brings about new learnings and I’ve heard myself saying “this is my favorite age” a number of times.